Sometimes, people send us letters about motels they’ve stayed at before and think we should check out. Or motels they’ve driven past with a morbid curiosity. This week has been a busy one for our inbox on account of The Cecil Hotel. This cheap, downtown Los Angeles hotel made headlines after the body of a young woman was discovered in a water tank, meaning hotel guests had been bathing in water contaminated by a corpse. The Cecil Hotel is also known for hosting serial killers Richard Ramirez and Jack Unterweger at separate times. 

Some letters are highly disconcerting, as we’re more like Scooby Doo for Adults, less likely to actually commit or delight in real murders. But one from Kent Grosswiler Jr. from Columbus, OH was an account of his stay there as written for their Creative Nonfiction course in college. We’ve been given permission to run this review here complete with photos from Charles Shipley Winch, also from Columbus. 

Cecil6 300x225 Dear MurderMotels...: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles

“OK. First off, it’ll most likely appear to be a shithole for those of you expecting to get something comparable to The Ritz for $40-$55 in Downtown LA.”

 “It’s not that bad, I mean, it does sort of remind you of an extended term flophouse.”

“There was a tranny in the lobby and cigarette burns in the sheets.”

“Are you serious!?!?!?! I’ve stayed at better hostels in Malaysia.” 

“This lobby is fucking awesome!”

The first four quotes are excerpts from Yelp reviews of the Cecil Hotel. The last, however, is what came spilling out of my mouth at the end of a 2,243 mile drive to Los Angeles, CA. The Cecil Hotel was place where I’d be resting my head for a couple weeks. Now if I were writing ad copy for a travel agency, I’m sure I’d be reprimanded for some of the print that’s about to follow, but I’m not, so fuck it.

My perception of the place is more flattering than what most of the folks had to say on Yelp. I thought it was pretty nice, but then again, I don’t need too much. I can make do with a lock on the door, a couple electrical outlets, some running water, a mattress and pillow or reasonable facsimiles, and the assurance that the odds of waking up next to strangers are very low. I mean, I don’t have the Malaysian hostel experience to compare it to, but I have spent a week in a crack house/shooting gallery/whorehouse mashup and I’d have to say, the Cecil Hotel is rather fancy compared to that particular location.

It’s worth the fifty bucks for the night just to see the lobby. The stoic front desk feels like a mile from the entrance as there are large archways to the left serving as gateways to the coffee shop and vending areas. To the right, there are ornate columns and a brass railed staircase leading up to a mezzanine Internet area.

Cecil2 300x225 Dear MurderMotels...: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles

The front desk itself has two gold inlay columns on either side and a little terrace with a big round clock featuring my favorite nauseating color combination, turquoise and mauve, overhanging the visitors’ side. I was unable to tell the mineral composition purity of the building materials because I’m not taking geology until next quarter, but everything appears to be made from marble and granite. To tell you truth, it all looks so fabulous, I don’t care what it’s made from. In addition, there are ivory looking statues depicting what I’m guessing to be ancient Romans due to the fact they’re wearing togas and holding lyres and other old ass items. And, they look like the folks in my World Civ text book in the chapter on Rome.

cecil4 300x205 Dear MurderMotels...: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles

The hallways leading from the elevators to the rooms are just as beautiful with the faux marble tiled floors and and mosaic patterns in format of each door. I might also add that if I didn’t know the man was dead, I’d suspect Russ Meyer had something to do with the hiring of the front desk and coffee shop staff, which beats a Roman statue in my book. It’s also a very effective business strategy. The ladies in the coffee shop wore such low cut blouses, regularly served me whole mugs of espresso for the price of doubles, flirted with me endlessly, calling me “papi.” It took four days for me to notice the espresso was fucking wretched. I’m serious. It tasted like Sanka or Yuban that somebody pissed in.

Upon entering the room, I was underwhelmed. The fancy foyer had deceived me. I’ve definitely slept in nastier places and ultimately for the price I don’t give that much of a fuck, but the rooms do not match the rest of the building — not even close. My room at the Santa Fe Motel 6 was a palace compared to Room 746 of The Cecil Hotel. There were burn holes in the bed spread, the sink water smelled a tad like a high school stink bomb, the lamps and ceiling fan were controlled by a Poltergeist. I’m pretty sure Darth Vader and a gaggle of Russian hookers were shooting a movie in the room next door and production was running on that bitch 24/7. Every fourth shower mysteriously lacked hot water.

Cecil1 300x225 Dear MurderMotels...: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles

There was a section of the wall that was either some type of abstract painting or a combination of blood, semen, and snot. Trust me, I know a looney when I see one, because during my days as a juvenile delinquent, I hacked and spit them on everything. I know blood and semen stains too, but blahblahblah statute of limitations.

I will say, the greasy eccentricities of my Cecil Hotel room never once cost me a night of solid sleep. I still slept fantastically, even after blowing out all the boards that support the mattress which was a result of a bed jumping session ending with a big sitter.

It could be a lot worse. Less than ten years ago, this very building booked its rooms by hourly blocks of time, if you know what I’m saying. It was a den of iniquity where winos, drug addicts, hookers as varied as one’s imagination will allow, and their clients were the only population aside from the staff. Apparently, there got to be a problem with many of the hotel’s desperate denizens ending it all from the top floors, often causing damage to the cars parked in the adjacent lot — damage that wasn’t covered in any of these cars’ insurance policies. I guess some type of falling crack head comprehensive was just too progressive for even Progressive. In 1962, a pedestrian was killed by a woman committing suicide.

This eventually led to the car lot suing the hotel, which led to a heavy duty makeover, but there’s only so much you can do. This is downtown L.A. after all.

Cecil3 300x224 Dear MurderMotels...: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles

Furthermore, the environment makes my girlfriend nervous and she doesn’t scare easy. Some guy grabbed her butt at her job recently and she punched him so hard in the face he needed to be carried out of the place and quite possibly needed several stitches to boot.

Seriously, if you’re willing to sell out the rest of your stay for a fantastic foyer, you’ll love this place. I forgot to add it’s featured with some regularity in some

Hollywood productions, most recently an episode of The Sons of Anarchy. However, I found it difficult to take the menacing bikers seriously as they stormed through the lobby. Maybe they didn’t care for the espresso either.

cecil9 300x225 Dear MurderMotels...: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles

If you need to be downtown and need a cheap place with weird charm to stay for a few days and you’re not super fussy, this place is for you. If you’re willing to sell out some preferred amenities for regular sightings of cleavage, you’ll seriously dig this motherfucker, pervert. If you lived somewhere nasty at some point in your life like a junkyard or trash dumpster, this place will seem totally adequate.

However, I must stress, if you don’t meet the above qualifications, stay elsewhere. Seriously, I more than meet them and after my two weeks there, I couldn’t wait to get to a very basic Comfort Suites in Silverlake. I didn’t even give a fuck that the foyer had the ambiance of a doctor’s waiting room without magazines.

Editor’s Note: This review, of course, was written before the body was discovered in the water tank. The Yelp reviews are much less kind now.

Tags: , , ,

2 Responses to “Dear MurderMotels…: The Cecil Hotel, Los Angeles” Subscribe

  1. ? February 23, 2013 at 5:24 am #

    He forgot to leave out its a block away from SKID ROW!!!!!!!! (PLEASE GOOGLE FOR PICS IF YOU DO NOT KNOW) My experience and opinion is coming from a female; so it might be a tad bit different than a males perspective. Though, the writer nailed it dead on I was surprised that he didn’t write about the 5 deadbolt locks in our room. Maybe, reservations made sure to give tighter security for females hmmm! First off it was not my choice, plan, or idea to stay in this fucking, nasty, dark aura having, negative residents living, pedophiles lurking, illegal Mexican perverts lingering, and X cons having shit hole place called a hotel! More like Death Trap!!!!! It’s that creepy!!!!!!! And I stayed 1 fucking butt clutching night 5 years ago! My X ding bat friend made reservations to this place without using her brain as always! I guess that’s why we are no longer friends after this episode I cut her so smooth off I seriously don’t give a fuck! She’s the type of broad who doesn’t think and gets you into a jam because of her thinking skills! Anyhow, I still harbor resentment and anger having to torture myself by being a good friend and staying at this place with her because she was scared to die alone I mean stay here alone! Kinda lets you know how Hotel Grand Shalaaa Cecil feels like lololol! This place still gives me the skeeves just thinking about it!!!! The minute you step into this area it’s like a dark force takes over! I’m sure Elisa Lam wasn’t the first female to die here I assure you she’s the only one they found out about! This whole place is a death trap for women!!!!! This is not the place for females to stay I am serious as a fucking heart attack!!!!!! Creepy men with Dark sunglasses at night in the elevator that one made me break into a sweat the freak ooozed 2 time sex offender and 35 he didn’t get caught for type of vibe. If you think I’m joking why don’t you book you a stay and check it out around 12 midnight! So you can get a total feel of the place!! The minute you park your car and get out you’ll wanna get back in that piece and floor it back to the 405!!!! I feel bad for Elisa Lam’s short life but I also feel so angry at her! Like what the fuck were you thinking if that!!!!!!! You see girls being a hard head, dingle berry can get you into a whole heap of trouble ladies!!!!! This shit is serious!!! LA is the type of place that fools a lot of people!!! This place is unpredictable, shady, and full of secrets!!! From pedophile rings to service perverted execs to everything in between this place is twisted I should know I was in the heart and soul and if I was a better writer I’d blow your minds away. I’ll just leave you with this nothing is what it seems in this place! But exspecially at that joint; Elisa Lams was inviting trouble without her naive self even realizing it! FYI A well known mental hospital that a lot of famous celebs locked their defected children away closed down in Camarillo CA and converted the coup into a so called University and loaded them on a school bus and dropped off all their mental patients one block away back into society from this place Google that!!! LA County trying so hard to clean up this place and I’d say you’ll have to burn it down and throw 100 tons of salt and holy water in this area to get it decent! And we all know that’s not happening! Fuck this hotel do not stay there this place is extremely dangerous as I stayed the night there myself and didn’t even close my eyes to sleep! The min the sun came up we were out of there!!!!! Literally running back to the car!!! I forgot to add we didn’t park in the hotel parking and we parked 3 blocks away at night and were followed for 2 blocks by this crazy homeless looking man!!! Luckily a LAPD bike cop was near and I literally ran to him stating and pleading and begging to watch us till he couldn’t see us no more! He was laughing because I was jumping up and down freaking out and I made him promise me lolol. I can laugh about it now but at the time at 12 midnight in Downtown LA it’s no fucking laughing matter. Don’t believe me just stay there and see for yourself that place is cursed!

  2. laura m. March 12, 2013 at 9:31 pm #

    I stayed at the Cecil Hotel in l965 with several friends while touring L.A. A woman came up to us in the lobby after we had checked in and said there are hookers coming in and out the place. We didn’t know it was that close to skid row. It was so long ago, but we may have been on the 7th floor. The lobby was old time design, not the updated pics. We didn’t experience any loud noise, or any thing unusual at the time.

What Are You Thinking?